LEIL LOWNDES
Friends-and Lovers - and Keeping Them for Life
 |
| How to Be a People Magnet |
Leil Lowndes is a dynamic speaker and internationally recognized
communications expert who presents programs in practically every
major U.S. city. She coaches Fortune 500 executives on interpersonal
communications and conducts seminars for the U.S. Peace
Corps, foreign governments, and major corporations. She is the
author of four books, including the top-selling How to Talk to
Anybody About Anything, How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with
You, and Talking the Winner’s Way. Leil has appeared on hundreds
of television and radio shows. For further information on the
author, visit www.lowndes.com.
Endnotes
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22. Smith, Jane E., et al. “Single White Male Looking for
Thin, Very Attractive . . .” Sex Roles 23 (1990): 675–685.
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132 (1998): 87–95.
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“Body Size, Physical Attractiveness, and Body Image
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(1998): 272–282.
25. Czechowicz, H., and C. L. Diaz de Chumaceiro.
“Psychosomatics of Beauty and Ugliness: Theoretical
Implications of the Systems Approach.” Clinical Dermatol
(CLD) 6 (1997): 9–14.
26. The National Speakers Association annual conference,
July 1997, opening address by several of the officers.
27. Morman, Mark T., and Kory Floyd. “Overt Expression
of Affection in Male-Male Interaction.” Journal of Research 38
(1998): 871–882.
28. Arkowitz, H., et al. “The Behavioral Assessment of
Social Competence in Males.” Behavioral Therapy 6 (1975): 3–13.
29. Henderson, Lynn. “Mean MMPI Profile of Referrals to
a Shyness Clinic.” Psychological Reports 80 (1997): 695–703.
30. Pilkonis, P. A., C. Heape, and R. H. Klein. “Treating
Shyness and Other Psychiatric Difficulties in Psychiatric
Outpatients.” Communication Education 29 (1980): 250–255.
31. Izard, C. E., and M. C. Hyson. “Shyness as a Discrete
Emotion.” In Shyness: Perspectives on Research and
Treatment, edited by W. H. Jones, J. M. Cheek, and
S. R. Briggs, 147–160. New York: Plenum, 1986.
32. Hamer, R. J., and M. A. Bruch. “Personality Factors
and Inhibited Career Development: Testing the Unique
Contribution of Shyness.” Journal of Vocational Behavior 50
(1997): 382–400.
33. Sanderson, W. C., P. A. DiNardo, R. M. Rapee, and
D. H. Barlow. “Syndrome Co-Morbidity in Patients
Diagnosed with DSM-III Revised Anxiety Disorder.”
Journal of Abnormal Psychology 99 (1990): 308–312.
34. Capsi, A., G. H. Elder, and D. J. Bern. “Moving Away
from the World: Life-Course Patterns of Shy Children.”
Developmental Psychology 24 (1988): 824–831.
35. Garcia, S., L. Stinson, W. Ickes, V. Bissonnette, and
S. Briggs. “Shyness and Physical Attractiveness in
Mixed-Sex Dyads.” Journal of Personality and Social
Psychology 61 (1991) 35–49.
36. Bruch, M. A., J. Gorsky, T. M. Collins, and P. A.
Berger. “Shyness and Sociability Re-examined: A
Multicomponent Analysis.” Journal of Personality and
Social Psychology 57 (1989): 904–915.
37. Cheek, J. M., and A. H. Buss. “Shyness and
Sociability.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 41
(1981): 330–339.
38. Goode, Erica. “Social Anxiety, Old as Society Itself,”
New York Times, 20 October 1998.
39. Noriyuki, Duane. “Breaking Down the Walls,” Los
Angeles Times, 5 February 1996.
40. Lowndes, Leil. How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with
You. Lincolnwood: NTC/Contemporary Publishing, 1996.
41. Walster, Elaine, William G. Walster, and Ellen
Berscheid. Equity: Theory and Research. Boston:
Allyn and Bacon, 1978.
42. Morman, Mark T., and Kory Floyd. “Overt Expression
of Affection in Male-Male Interaction.” Journal of
Research 38 (1998) 871–882.
43. Rabinowitz, F. E. “The Male-to-Male Embrace:
Breaking the Touch Taboo in a Men’s Therapy Group.”
Journal of Counseling and Development 69 (1991): 574–576.
44. Shotland, R., et al. “Can Men and Women
Differentiate Between Friendly and Sexually Interested
Behavior?” Social Psychology Quarterly 51 (1988): 66–73.
45. LaFontana, Kathryn M., and Antonius H. N. Cillessen.
“Children’s Interpersonal Perceptions as a Function of
Sociometric and Peer-Perceived Popularity.” Journal of
Genetic Psychology 160 (1999): 225. Endnotes 261
46. Adler., P. A., S. J. Kless, and P. Adler. “Socialization to
Gender Roles: Popularity Among Elementary School
Boys and Girls.” Sociology of Education 65 (1992): 169–187.
47. New York Times, 24 April 1999, p. 14.
48. Garcia, S., L. Stinson., W. Ickes., V. Bissonnette, and
S. Briggs. “Shyness and Physical Attractiveness in
Mixed-Sex Dyads.” Journal of Personality and Social
Psychology 61 (1991): 35–49.
49. Kowner, Rotem. “The Effect of Physical Attractiveness
Comparison on Choice of Partners.” Journal of Social
Psychology 4 (1995): 153.
50. Mitchell, W. It’s Not What Happens to You, It’s What You
Do About It. Smyrna, GA: Phoenix Press, 1997.
51. One of W. Mitchell’s inspirational speeches.
52. Liebowitz, M. R. The Chemistry of Love.
Boston: Little Brown, 1983.
53. Mead, Margaret. Sex and Temperament in Three
Primitive Societies. New York: William Morrow, 1935.
54. Liebowitz, M. R. The Chemistry of Love.
Boston: Little Brown, 1983.
55. Ibid.
56. Murray, Sandra L., and John G. Holmes. “Seeing
Virtues in Faults: Negativity and the Transformation of
Interpersonal Narratives in Close Relationships.”
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (65): 707–723.
57. Fisher, Helen. “The Four-Year Itch.” Natural History
(1989): 22–23.
58. Ibid.
59. Liebowitz, M. R. The Chemistry of Love. Boston:
Little Brown, 1983.
60. Gagnon, Robert Michael, and Stuart Michaels. The
Social Organization of Sexuality. Chicago:
University of Chicago Press, 1994.
61. Byrne, Donn. The Attraction Paradigm. New York:
Academic Press, 1971.
62. Dutton, D. G., and A. P. Aron. “Some Evidence for
Heightened Sexual Attraction Under Conditions of
High Anxiety.” Journal of Personality and Social
Psychology 30 (1974): 510–517.
63. Byrne, Donn. The Attraction Paradigm. New York:
Academic Press, 1971.
64. Ibid.
65. Perper, Timothy. Sex Signals: The Biology of Love.
Philadelphia: ISI Press, 1985.
66. Oguchi, Takashi, et al. “Voice and Interpersonal
Attraction.” Japanese Psychological Research 39 (1997): 56–61.
67. Shumaker, S. A., and D. R. Hill. “Gender Differences
in Social Support and Physical Health.”
Health Psychology 10 (1991): 102–111.
68. Moller, Lora C., et al. “Sex Typing in Play and
Popularity in Middle Childhood.” Sex Roles: A Journal
of Research 26 (1992): 331.
69. Barbee, Anita P., et al. “Effects of Gender Role
Expectations on the Social Support Process.” Journal of
Social Issues 49 (1993): 175–191.
70. Ibid.
71. Carli, L. L. “Gender Differences in Interaction Style
and Influence: Correction.” Journal of Personality and
Social Psychology 57 (1989): 964.
72. Moller, Lora C., et al. “Sex Typing in Play and
Popularity in Middle Childhood.” Sex Roles: A Journal
of Research 26 (1992): 331.
73. James, Deborah, and Janice Drakich. “Understanding
Gender Differences in Amount of Talk.” MS,
Linguistics Department, University of Toronto.
74. Ibid.
75. Ibid.
76. Lakoff, Robin. Language and Woman’s Places. New York:
Harper and Row, 1975.
77. Dupont, Kay. Handling Diversity in the Workplace.
Monteray, CA: American Media Publishing, 1997.
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Product details
Price
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File Size
| 10,723 KB |
Pages
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284 p |
File Type
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PDF format |
Print Version
| 0-8092-2434-8 |
Copyright
| 2001 by Leil Lowndes |
Table of Contents
Part One On the Road to Being a People Magnet
01 Friends, Lovers, and Knights 3
Platonic Friendships 4
And, of Course, Love 4
Men’s Friendships 5
Women’s Friendships 6
Networking Friends 7
02 What’s Ahead in How to Be a People Magnet
How We’re Going to Find the Answer 10
The Fatal FUD Factor (Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt) 12
03 Why this Book Is Guaranteed to Work!
This Is Not a Book—It’s a Contract 13
Sociological Studies Support the Contract 14
Listen to the Testimonials 15
Part Two Making Strangers Like You, Instantly!
04 Hi! How Do You Like Me So Far
But Is Being Popular Really Being Liked? 20
What’s Your Optimism Quotient (OQ)? 20
05 How to Spread Sunshine . . . Wherever You Go
Clause #1: In Your Shoes
06 Making Everyone Feel Special
Clause #2: Eye Messages
07 Win Their Hearts, in Ten Words or Less
Clause #3: The Expanded Thank-You
08 The Magic Wand, Your Body
Clause #4: The Trifling Touch
09 Like Hallmark Cards, a Smile for Every Occasion
Clause #5: Slow, Spillover Smile
10 Why Do We Prefer One Person Over Another?
Deborah Gets the Last Laugh (and Leil Eats Her Hat) 38
Clause #6: Listen to Their Heart
11 Fine Tuning Your Tongue
Clause #7: Dis-Guys My Dialogue
Clause #8: De-Gurrl My Dialogue
12 Never Hear “You’re Not Listening!” Again
Clause #9: Listen Like a Nail
Clause #10: Listen Like a Dunking Duck
13 Fragging the Fatal FUD Factor
But What About Me? I’m No Olympic Athlete 50
How You Can Go for the Gold 52
Clause #11: Ditch the Bitchers, Talk to the Trashers
14 Beauty Is as Beauty Feels
Thunder Thighs Wins Olympic Gold Medal for Love 59
Clause #12: I Am Beautiful
Clause #13: I’m a Good Mover
15 How to Work a Room Like Royalty
Clause #14: The Emperor’s New Clothes
16 Nice Shake!
Clause #15: My Five-Star Handshake
17 The Hugganary
Clause #16: The Honest Hug
18 The Secret of Confident Conversing
What Separates Social Winners from Social Losers? 76
Clause #17: React Faster, Answer Vaster
19 Shyness Stinks! Not Only That,
It Can Trash Your Life
Wait, There Are More Bummers 81
So, If Schmooze-Aphobia Is a Disease,
What’s the Cure? 82
Clause #18: Always Talk to Strangers
20 Does This Confidence Make Cents?
Clause #19: What Can I Learn from This?
21 Ah, Mystery of Life: And How Optimism Saved One!
22 Pass the Pollyanna Please
Clause #20: Give the Gift of “You Can Do”
Part Three Friends and Lovers: How to Find Them, How to Keep Them
23 Why Have Friends?
Or Pollyanna Plummets into Pandora’s Box
Suddenly Last Summer 96
Pollyanna Plummets into Pandora’s Box 97
The Bottom of the Pit 98
So What’s This Got to Do with How to Be a
People Magnet? 100
Pandora’s Box Suddenly Snaps Shut 100
24 Friendship’s First Commandment: Thou Must
Have Something to Give in Order to Receive
You Don’t Make Friends, You Earn Them 105
And Yes, You Earn Lovers Too 106
Clause #21: Growing My Gifts
25 Ways to Say “I Love You” to a Friend
26 Plan Private Pleasures for Precious People
Clause #22: Plan a Sweet Surprise
27 I Love Ya Man, and All That Jazz
Clause #23: I Love Ya Man
28 Actions Speak Louder than Words:
Just Ask Any Guy
Clause #24: Do My Buddy’s Bag
29 The Power of Gifts: Or a Great Way to
Get Rid of Junk You Don’t Want!
Clause #25: Tchotchkes for Chums
30 Standing Up for Your Friends
The Green-Eyed Monster in My Closet 122
Clause #26: My Personal Principles Clause
31 Planting Seeds for New Friendships
Prissy’s Present 127
You Can Never Go Back
(and Would You Really Want To?) 128
You Made My Day! 128
Now, About Your Promotion 129
Clause #27: Thanks, You Made My Day
32 Do You Want to Be Popular, or
Do You Want to Be Liked?
Clause #28: Befriend a Nerd
33 What If I Only Feel Those Butterflies
When I’m Talking to Him or Her?
Great, So I Know Why. Now How Can
I Get Rid of Those Butterflies? 136
Clause #29: I’ll Talk to the Tens
34 Have You Ever Had a Friend . . . :
Who Changed Your Way of Looking at Life Forever?
Clause #30: My Physically Challenged Pal
35 If You’ve Got It, Flaunt It!
Clause #31: Dare to Be Different
36 Diversity, It’s Not Just for the Workplace
Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner? 149
Clause #32: Multicolored Chums
Part Four Cupid’s Secrets: Sexy Schemes for Luring Lovers and Keeping Them
37 Cupid’s Got Lots of Secrets! 155
Cupid, Please Tell Me, Why Him? Why Her? 156
When Two of Cupid’s Arrows Cross 156
Some Cupids Who Crashed and Burned 157
38 Finally Science Captures Cupid
Cupid Does Drugs 159
Why Do So Many Women Go for the Bad Boys? 160
Cupid Grows Up 161
So How Long Can I Enjoy this
Legal High Before I Come Down? 162
39 A Better, Deeper Kind of Love Sets in, Really!
What if You Still Want the “Can’t Wait to
Jump Your Bones” Kinda Love? 163
How Cindy Keeps the Sex Cinders Hot 164
40 What About Turning a Friend into a Lover?
41 Cupid’s Last Words
Can You Have the Peaceful Forever Kind of
Love Right off the Bat? 170
What’s Cupid’s Secret? What Really
Keeps Couples Together? 172
Clause #33: I Won’t Toss the Person with the PEA
42 Mirror, Mirror, Find Me a Mate
Clause #34: Look for a Look-Alike
43 Get Off My Duff
Clause #35: Weekly Off-My-Duff Promise
44 If You Want to Date, You Must Initiate
The Dance of Love 181
Inviting Someone to the Dance of Intimacy 182
Clause #36: If I Want to Date, I Must Initiate
45 Don’t Think Lines, Think Lyrics
Clause #37: Think Lyrical, Not Lyrics
46 Men “Pick Her Up,” Gentlemen
“Make Her Acquaintance”
Clause #38: My Three-Step Strategy Clause
47 The Failure Fallback Plan
Clause #39: Foxy Face-Saver
48 Creative Courting
Clause #40: Hunt Down Hot Buttons
49 Shhh, He’s Ticked Off!
Clause #41: Let Him Sulk in Silence
Clause #42: No More Troubled Clam
50 Give Me a Strong Shoulder and a Big Ear
Clause #43: What’s Wrong, Lambchop?
51 Go Figure!
You Be the Judge 205
Clause #44: Let Him Lecture
52 How Would You Handle This, Dear?
It’s Not Just for Schmoozing Her 210
Clause #45: Seek Her Social Assistance
53 I Just Want You to Be Happy!
Clause #46: “You Make Me Sooo Happy”
Clause #47: She’s “The Ball Game,” Not “The Ball Game”
54 Hyperbole as Aphrodisiac
Clause #48: My Lyrical Love
55 Understanding My Clam
Clams à la Greque 222
Clause #49: My Silent Partner
Clause #50: The Minute an Hour Treatment
Part Five Networking: Recruiting Knights for My Personal Round Table
56 The World’s Best Contact Sport:
Once You Learn How to Play It
57 “Networking?” Did I Hear You Say “Networking”?
Clause #51: Sharing My Gifts
58 Plan Ahead!
59 The Guide to Sharing Your Gifts
Networking, It’s Kid’s Stuff, Too 237
Clause #52: Knight Time-Sharing
60 Do You Carry Enough Friend Insurance?
Clause #53: Knight Recruiting Clause
61 One Man’s Knight Is Another Man’s Nobody
62 My Friend Insurance Policy:
Or the Knights at My Round Table
63 “Who Ya Gonna Call?”
64 Making Deposits in the Good Neighbor Account
Clause #54: Good Neighbor Clause
65 Give Yourself a Priceless Gift
Clause #55: Find an Old Friend or Old Love
Endnotes 257
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